2am is not a good time to be up.
being up at 2am usually means that there is a term paper that gets to be done, and done soon; or one is being haunted by his emotional and mental ghosts; or a mom has to hush a wailing baby; or a couple has major issues to resolve within the confines of their bedroom. 2am sounds are cacophonous too — dripping faucets, the anguished torments of a battered wife; ambulances and cop sirens; howling of dogs; the ramblings of a drunkard; the shrill ringing of the telephone bearing bad news.
at this hour last night my harried soul joined the rest of the members of the Fellowship of the Caffeine Freaks. at this hour last night, i was one with others who were nursing a mug, drowning out their concerns in a cup of coffee. as i held that precious cup between my hands, i took a long whiff as i allowed the aroma of coffee to envelop my being, in the same manner that my pain consumed me, the same tangible pain i felt from toe to hair-end.
"pain needs to be moved through, not avoided." so i moved through it. wallowed in it. as i let the dam burst, a solitary teardrop trickled into my coffeecup, the tangy saline fusing with the bitter black liquid, making my coffee just a tad bit lighter.
i spent a good hour listening to my heart-wracking sobs. i tried to stop, to distance myself from the crying one. to look at things objectively. but when an emotion as strongly violent as that is involved, it’s not easy. i struggled and eventually gave in. so i let it pour.
"so cry now, little one…"
i found solace in my coffee cup. caffeine, my sedative. as i emptied the contents of my cup, the ache seemed to ebb. i guzzled the last of it, down to the dregs. and it didn’t hurt as much.
maybe it was the coffee. maybe it was the act of filling myself with bittersweetness to overpower the saltiness of my own tears. but i’d like to think it was the Fellowship — the kindred spirits of distressed beings silently screaming their sorrows to the spirit of the bean, and living through the experience; maybe not fully-recovered, but definitely partially-healed.
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